By Brian J. Karem

As I stood in my kitchen last night boiling enough water to make some tea, I had to take stock of life.

Normally I do this at bedtime when my children are bouncing around the house like basketballs - you know since it's more peaceful and all - but I was feeling reflective.

It was night. I was thankful. I had power in the house - which has been rare of late, as storms have knocked out the power more than once. And, of course, earlier this week a transformer burned up leaving just six homes in the area, mine one of them, without power for several hours.

I was going to make a BLT sandwich, but I'd thrown away the fresh tomatoes because explosive diarrhea from food poisoning isn't really my cup of tea.

Come to think of it, a cup of tea isn't really my cup of tea when I'm merely boiling the water to insure I don't get some kind of infection that could lead to the aforementioned physical malady due to the low water pressure we've had to live with the last few days.

Yep, my water is coming out of the pipes with so little pressure I think WSSC should be checked for prostatitis.

Yes, of course, I know a water main break is responsible - but you would think that a water main that's 4 feet in diameter would last longer than 30 or so years.

Hey, that's me.

Meanwhile, the mortgage collapse continues and the economy is in free fall. I routinely don't have lights, can't drink the water and don't dare eat the tomatoes. In addition, the Rockville City Council's members have taken to fighting one another in a mode resembling a Marx Brothers movie while the beloved County Council has taken to fighting the Rockville Council in a scene reminiscent of a Rocky movie.

Then, as I was contemplating all of this and the water started to boil, I turned to look at a stack of news releases given to me. The first one made my blood boil:

The survival of Western Civilization is in jeopardy!

Yes. I knew it.

Then I read further in the press release. I was sorely disappointed.

It turns out that homosexual marriages in California are to blame. Well, at least I know now who turned out the lights, ruined the vegetables and broke the water main.

It's Mr. Sulu.

Thank heavens for the wonderful Christian News Wire.

I would never have figured it out if it weren't for their enlightened souls.

Did you know, for instance, that according to the Christians that the Greeks fell in the fifth century because their traditional values of right and wrong had been swept aside to make way for "moral relativism that declared 'right' was whatever a majority wished it to be"?

That's right. They said the Greeks.

Like the man said in Animal House when John Belushi said the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, "Forget it. He's rolling."

After this last missive from the so-called Christians, who love to berate homosexuals, transsexuals, transgender individuals and anyone who likes Black Sabbath music, I've come to the conclusion that I've just misjudged them.

They're not a hate-based group that preaches intolerance.

They're really a comedy group trying to push the boundaries much as Monty Python did with "The Life of Brian."

See, that makes sense in my world.

No one in their right mind could sit around an office all day long trying to condemn people for merely wanting to legally live with one another and harm no one.

Nope. I can't picture the office environment that would spawn such mean spirited debate and cynical comments.

I'm absolutely sure that it's another case of a typical American comedy venture - much like "The Daily Show" or "The Colbert Report."

These guys at the Christian News Wire just want to have fun and can't find their audience.

Anyway, that's my thought and I'm sticking to it.

Uhhh, maybe it's just what's in my drinking water.