Live from Washington D.C. it’s the Sean Spicer show with his special guest host this week Mick Mulvaney.
Mick’s special guests will be pictures of cyclone fences and SUVs driving past steel privacy fences in the New Mexico desert. (Cue the applause).
So join us as Mick explains the latest budget deal on The Hill, why the Democrats are sore losers and tells us what’s special about the number 42.
But first, let’s look behind door number one where we have several hundred million dollars to repair 40 miles of privacy fence along the Mexican border. Never fear campers – this fence has what it takes. Mick guarantees it’ll stop illegal immigration, illicit drugs and rubbing up against it cures warts. (Cue the applause).
Behind door number two is healthcare for miners and a raspberry for the Democrats who said they got us in the budget negotiations but we really got them so there – nyaaagh.
Behind door number three – it’s all Hillary’s fault. (Cue the standing ovation).
And now this important commercial message from our sponsor:
Today’s Mulvaney episode is brought to you by Trump University. Trump University – where incoming freshmen learn important historic lessons – like how a dead Andrew Jackson single-handedly carried Teddy Roosevelt up San Juan Hill toting Dwight D. Eisenhower to stop the Civil War which gosh why did that have to happen anyway. (Cue cheers).
In the second act Mulvaney will explain how he failed to brief the GOP on the budget - and the party relied on “fake news” until he saved the day after the fact in a brave and masterful act of statesmanship.
He will also explain Donald Trump’s latest tweet telling us how 25 million Americans losing their jobs and declaring bankruptcy will personally benefit every billionaire in the country.
Meanwhile in the press gallery, join a man who will wait until the end of the press briefing to shout insults to reporters as he’s followed by three cameras on a personal mission of redemption, justification, better ratings and a larger contract.
In a special non-speaking cameo, press secretary Sean Spicer will turn away from the camera and run quickly to his office without saying a word.
Some reporters will try to chase him down while he hides in his office and another organizes a sit-in while several young television reporters search for their pancake makeup and fake sweat.
So, join us if you will for President Trump’s favorite soap opera on Firebrand Theater – “The Sean Spicer Show, or ‘Alternate Facts.’”
Executive produced, produced, written and directed by Donald Trump.
Join us at the same time tomorrow for Spicer’s latest adventure when we watch him pull a rabbit out of a hat.
If this seems like a skit from Saturday Night, it certainly looks that way from the inside as well. It isn’t that the president doesn’t have some decent ideas. In fact I am amazed at the number of his ideas I find have merit – okay some might say the bar on that is pretty low – but I’m not going to be condescending.
I’m merely going to say that nothing goes on in the White House that isn’t directed, orchestrated and encouraged by President Donald Trump – and from here it looks like he’s running a reality show.
The thing is, life isn’t a reality show – William Shakespeare’s quote about all of life being a stage to the contrary.
The amount of hyperbole inside and out of the administration is staggering. The critics are convinced Trump will sabotage democracy, the economy, threaten worldwide nuclear destruction and keep them from getting some good weed on a Friday night – and if you don’t agree with them don’t show up at Berkeley.
His fans think he’s making life better, his opponents should rot in Hell and if you don’t agree with them you’re probably an immigrant and should be deported anyway.
I’m sitting on the sideline trying to find out what’s at the bottom of this maelstrom.
Everyone is questioning if there is a method to the madness or if madness is all there is in an administration which stretches the truth, denies facts and obfuscates its motives whenever possible.
The salesmanship is impressive from a purely entertainment perspective and as tempting it is to be involved in it, the electorate deserves more than a reality show serving as its government.