America is open for business.
How refreshing. The United States of America, according to the President of the United States is one giant Walmart ready to do business with the world.
That’s the message he’s taking with him to Davos this week, but the world isn’t listening.
Though one look at Congress and every U.S. citizen knows they’ve been bought and sold.
According to recent published reports the United States is falling as a destination for tourists, threatening some 40,000 jobs in the U.S. in the tourism industry.
Meanwhile, the President may be, according to some, a coward - but make no mistake about it he’s Daffy Duck: A greedy little coward. Oddly enough some may see that as an insult to Daffy.
Meanwhile our President wants to do business- apparently with everyone but those who aren’t white, speak English and can hold a blue collar job while investing in Trump Tower - I suppose.
They have no business, I suppose, doing business with the American business. What the American business is, well I guess that depends upon what the definition of “is” is.
I was just getting used to the idea that we were a national reality show. The daily briefing in the Press Room with first “Spicy Spicer” and now Sarah Huckabee Sanders is the theater of the absurd while the main event is POTUS and his tweets.
He can shout “Out” to reporters, scream about the “Fake News” and kick out all the dreamers he wants. I pictured campy music like “Batman” from the 60s as the presidential theme music. I keep seeing Mike Pence as the Boy Wonder, but many see him as Race Bannon from “Johnny Quest.”
Either way, I was just adjusting to that “new reality” and now I have to hunker down and re-educate myself. America isn’t a reality show, it’s a steaming pile of business with a Nancy Pelosi cherry on top. Everything’s for sale – come on down.
You want oil? We got oil? Trees? Grass? Shrubberies? I know Roger the shrubber. OMB Director Mick Mulvaney can probably get you a good deal on the holy hand grenade of Antioch.
Sure, we have grenades, weapons of mass destruction, natural parks and clean air for sale.
Everything you’ve ever wanted can be found right here in the U.S.A. catalogue. Just don’t ask to buy any weed, Jeff Sessions is convinced you’ll suffer “Reefer Madness” and begin eating all of his brownies.
We have a nifty Constitution we don’t use any more that can be had for cheap – it’s written on really neat paper and is more than 200 years old – it should fetch a nice price.
Want a few stray monuments? We’ve got those big faces on the side of a cliff in the Dakotas we can sell you at a really cool price.
We already sold our rock n’ roll, so we’re out of that commodity. However, we have a football league, artificial turf and some White Supremacists we can let you have at a premium price.
If you don’t want those, we can sell you some Dreamers and throw in some unwanted brown and black-skinned immigrants the lily-white owners of the country want to get rid of real quick. Consider it a loss leader. Take the immigrants for cheap and get the White Supremacists at a premium price.
But I’m telling you folks, stick around for the natural resources.
This is the deal you really want. Glad to chew up our national parks and sell them to you at a fantastic price. Coal, gas and oil. All there. Screw the solar power – you guys in the hick countries are making those solar panels cheaper than we can anyway. So much so we had to slap a tariff on them just to make sure we put a few Americans out of business. You know, hey you can’t make an omelet without cracking a few heads.
Hey we have a slightly used space program to sell you too. We haven’t done anything with manned exploration since we landed on the moon 45 years ago, but hey the prestige alone in owning such a program should be worth the price.
Still, the best deal remains the All-American War Machine. The Military Industrial Complex finds the best and most dramatic ways to kill people. We have your full-service death dealing devices, like tanks, guns, rockets and nuclear devices for mass destruction and picturesque carnage. If you’re on a budget then roll on up and grab a few drones and some M-16s. Hey, handguns are cheap and plentiful and you can use any of our drive-by shooting ranges (you might call them public venues or neighborhoods in your hick countries) if you want to give these American-made alley sweepers a try out.
Our culture is for sale too. Hollywood asking prices may seem dramatic, but hey if you like the lifestyle, it’s well worth the investment. Sexual harassment, hypocrisy and lunacy come with the purchase of this commodity with no extra charge. Consider them gifts. Finally, I guess if America is really open for business, you can buy our president.
Word has it he was already bought by some Oligarch somewhere, but I’m sure for the right price he could be yours too.