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So the Redskins victory is what?

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Published on: Thursday, September 13, 2012

By Brian J. Karem

There is so much of importance going on in the world.

How can one possibly filter out the non-essential news of the day?

I am besieged by the ridiculous, the sublime and the important.

On the political front, both President Obama and his challenger Walter Mondale, I mean Richard Nixon, I mean Gordon Liddy, oh heck Mitt Romney, are lambasting each other with so much mud I feel I’m at a the cheap road house in the movie “Stripes” watching a female mud wrestling match.

“I’m a lean, mean, fighting machine.”

But the election is important. The next four years in our illustrious Republic hang in the balance – with the potential effects of this election lasting the rest of my lifetime.

What to do? What to do?

No time to think about that at all however. A woman in Kansas City is upset and getting people to sign a referendum to take down a statue near her home that she considers pornography.

The statue depicts a bare breasted woman taking a picture of herself.

The “offensive” statue in Kansas City.

“What they’re calling art is what we’re saying is obscenity,” local American Family  director Phillip Cosby said.

According to well-placed sources, the next stop for the Kansas City protestors is a site in Europe. Apparently the Venus de Milo is their next target.

The Venus de Milo.

Well, enough of that, on to the next target.

The world’s oceans are apparently getting saltier and no one knows why. O.J. Simpson’s attorneys have been accused of tampering with the gloves he put on in trial that led to the Johnny Cochran quote, “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” Go figure.

The Caribbean coral reefs are near total collapse. A member of Navy Seal Team 6 is dishing out details of the Osama Bin Laden raid.

Global warming is apparently accelerating with record melts in Greenland, the North Pole and heavy drought in the Midwest.

We had an envoy shot down in Libya by Muslim extremists and now some Christians want to wage a “Holy War” against the Muslims.

Can anyone say “Crusades?”

According to a Christian newsletter I received this morning, those who believe in evolution are atheists.

The Mars Curiosity rover took pictures of its own tire tracks this week as it rumbled across the bleak landscape of the red planet.

And in a local bar I watched as two middle-aged gentlemen discussing politics were interrupted as a mutual friend began shouting: The Redskins won! The Redskins won!

Of all the news on the entire planet, a Redskins win is apparently the most important thing to know.

R.G. III is the newest apostle. He’s the Sonny Jurgensen heir apparent. He will bring the fabled Washington Redskin franchise a Super Bowl title and restore peace to the planet, economic stability to the United States and help the chaste and just devour all of those miscreants who think we evolved from lower life forms.

We can rest easy. Breathe free. Relax by the poolside people.

Life is nothing if not assembling your priorities.

Clearly this can lead to happiness, relaxation, joy and Redskins victories.

I for one cannot buy into this mindset.

Dan Snyder still owns the Redskins, I am no fan of Fed Ex Field and I must confess I’m not a dyed-in-the-wool Redskin fan.

Seriously, though, with all that is going on in the world must we descend to the level of worshiping a Redskin victory?

Must we? I mean, global warming, politics, health, economy and all of those other issues seem far more important to me than a single Redskin victory.

The scary developments in the Middle East seem to be much more important than if Dan Snyder’s private piggy bank finally bubbles forth and spews a Lombardi trophy.


Besides, both the Chiefs and the Packers lost and that really cheeses me off.


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